Thursday, January 31, 2013

Waltzing with katie ...

This evening, Katie was especially restless and had a very hard time settling down for bed. 

The logical side of my mama brain said: 
"Leave her alone.  She's fine and will settle down and fall asleep when her body is ready."  

The irrational side of my brain questioned: 
"But what if she is wrapped up in her blanket and can't get comfortable?"  

And the Iincredibly-fearful-worst-case-scenario side said: 
"OMG!  She's dying!  She's foaming at the mouth and will not survive unless I go in there and save her life!"  (yes, this really did go through my head!  And don't say you have never had a similar thought when your kids are crying in their cribs!)

So, against my logical judgement, I went in there.  The poor bug was just laying in the middle of her crib with the most forlorn look on her face just tossing and turning.  I whispered to her: "do you want mama to rock you a little bit?" and that little face lit up from within and she whispered back: "uh-huh" and quietly popped up to her feet and outstretched her chubby hands to me.

The second I picked her up, her warm body melted into mine and the next 30 minutes of my life were filled with hummed love songs, endless prayers and silent tears.

I knew she was sound asleep ten minutes into our waltz around her bedroom, but I was too selfish to let this dance end.  The muffled voices of my boys and the dog's over-grown nails pacing to be let outside all but disappeared.  No one else existed in the world other than me and my angel girl and the moment we shared.

I knew it was getting late and time for the dance to end so I reluctantly and awkwardly laid her limp, 30 pound body back in her crib and covered her up.  I crouched over her and rubbed her back and hiney and thought how quickly the past 20 months have gone.  It seemed like just last week I was hovering over her crib, patting her bottom and shushing her to sleep. 

Eventually, I was beckoned back to consciousness by the logical brain, the sounds of the boys and whining from the irritated dog. 

I quietly whispered "good night" and many "I love yous" to my doodle-bug.  I crept backwards out of her door not wanting to take my gaze from her crib. 

And as I closed her door as silently as possible, I caught my breath and thanked God for blessing my life with the dance I shared with my daughter tonight.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

OMG I'm in tears! I have done that exact thing. Not wanting to leave my babies and just felt the need to hug, kiss, or just sit and stare. Little things like you dancing with your babies is exactly what makes you such a great Mommy.