Thursday, April 7, 2011

Oh scheikie-doodles!!!

Anyone who is a parent, aunt, uncle, friend or acquaintance of a toddler knows they are a walking, eating, breathing record player.  They will repeat anything you say at the most inopportune time.

Here's a perfect example that took place when Nathan was first talking ...
Scene: Monday, early evening, in our front yard.  The air is warm and dry, the sun is streaming through the oak trees, the evening was perfect.  Nathan is happily in his own world playing with sticks.  Sissy is eating the grass and acorns.  Shaun and I are discussing the evening's dinner plans when we hear the sweetest, most angelic voice blurt out a four letter word beginning with the letter "F".  Shaun and I both did a double take ...
Me (trying to sound as calm as possible):  What did you say baby??
Nathan: F***!!! (in an incredibly matter of fact tone)
Me (to Shaun): I wonder where he heard that?! (condescending, of course)
Shaun (to me):  That's not what he said.  And he didn't hear it from me!  I never say that word.   (He then speaks to Nathan)  Hey Buddy!  Can you say that again please?
Nathan:  FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUU***********************! (making sure to enunciate as clearly as possible so there is no mistaking what he said)


Shaun and I ignored his repeated use of this word that evening and, luckily, the fascination quickly wore off.  It was then that we realized the importance of censoring our language to prevent another occurrence of Mr. Potty Mouth!  

I couldn't even imagine the horror if he decided to bust out with that word while we were doing our weekly grocery shopping!  How could I cover that one up?  *That's right Nathan.  The music is "funky"?!)


I now have a very colorful and creative vocabulary I use when I'm feeling frustrated and would normally let an obscenity fly.

Sometimes I like to stick to the tried and true, good old fashioned cuss words ...
"Fiddlesticks"
"Shoot"
"Dang"


Other times, I spell the words out ...
"D-A-M-M-I-T Sissy!  Get out of the way!"


Then there are the the abbreviated words ...
"F'ing' DB!"


And when I'm super frustrated, I resort to the following ...
"Oh FUZZ!!!"  (Use this in place of the obvious other "F" word)
"Schneikies!" (Thank you Chris Farley!!)
"Schneikie-Doodles"  (A variation of the above mentioned word and to be used as a stand alone phrase)
"Peanuts!"  (Again, a freestanding word that needs no accompaniment)
"Rat Poison" (Can be used as a name for someone)
"Dingle-berry" (Again, great for name calling)



And my personal favorites ... Religious expletives*
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" (to be used as a statement)
"Sweet Jesus!" (used as a gasp)
"Dear Lord!" (numerous purposes)
"Of all things Holy!" (to be said in a moment of shock and awe)
"Lord have Mercy!" (used in a tone that says "you've got to be kidding")
*I taught myself to actually say a little prayer when I make the above comments out of fear that God will reign lightening down on me for using His name in vein!  

Using such phrases have become second nature to me now.  
I don't notice the stares I get at work when I drop something and blurt out with "Oh Nancy!"
Or when I send an e-mail without the attachment ... "Poop!  Dang it!"
And then today, I actually said "Sweet Jesus and all that is Holy!  He is such a Dingle-Berry!  Ugh!  Schneikies!" 
... in a meeting 
... at work 
... in front of my boss!


(Very mature Becky.  You're such a Goober Nut.  Geez!)



6 comments:

Laura @ our messy messy life. said...

HA!!! You make me laugh!

My mil says "foot!" and my mom says "mother trucker". Add them to your repetoire asap.

Henry's new hobby is throwing a ball for me to hit with a tennis racket. If he doesn't use good aim he says "oh sh, I miss". Yep. All my "oh, shits" have caught up with me.

Shan said...

Awesome! I've resorted to mutterfutter and nutball.

Claudia said...

LOL! I wish I could've seen your boss' face when you said that. Too funny!

Claudia said...

Oh, and I should add that a few months ago Julia's favorite phrase was "oh, crap!" (my fault), but thankfully she's stopped saying it. Whew!

joannakitler said...

What about Mustard Custard, Shit Turd, that's what you are Son of a Bitch?!?!?

Holly said...

Love it!! Luke has taken to saying "What the duece?" whenever he feels the need to drop an expletive. It's quite comical.