Thursday, December 22, 2011

12 days of Christmas (my version) ...

The Twelve Days of ChristmasBy: Becky Leverett

A Small, Little Baby Jesus (Nathan, would you please take the Baby Jesus out of Katie's mouth?  I don't want her to choke on our Savior!)
2 Precious children (Because they are both asleep)
3 Christmas trees (To decorate AND clean up)
4 Naked butt cheeks (It helps cut down on the amount of laundry)
5 Vacay days!  (But I'm still sending the kids to Marilyn's)
6 Packs of Twinkies (Damn you Little Debbie!!  Damn YOU!!)
7 Angry Drivers (Be nice, you flippin' morons!!  Geeze!!)
8 Legos laying (OUCH!  Turkey, please pick up your toys!)
9 Playdoh pellets (Does anyone have a trick on getting it out of carpet)
10 Naked toes (DANG IT SISSY!!!  Quit eating my socks!!!)
11 Gifts to wrap (Do you think if I leave wrapping paper out, Santa will do it for me?)
12 Dirty diapers (Shaun ... Katie has a present for you!)

Monday, December 19, 2011

Bitchin' Kitchen Journey - part 1

Twas the week before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The jammies were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Santa would soon be there.

Nahtan and Katie went on to Marilyn's,
With pancake syrup dripped from their chins.
And Ma and Da-ee took the week off of work
With nothing to do but "a little housework"!

Yours Truly working the sledge!

It's been too quiet, the house needs to change!
A day in the life ... it's really not strange.
What was once a living room, will soon be a kitchen.
Ma guarantees it will be "super-duper bitchin'"!

Before: Living Room (you can see the tape outline of where the cabinets will be)

When throughout the house, there 'rose such a clatter,
Ma and Da-ee got bored ... that's the fact of the matter!
Off in the living room, they flew in a flash,
Cleaning out closets and throwing away trash.

The apprentice stayed up past his bedtime to help

A closet, a wet-bar, some pee-scented Pergo,
They demolish it all, to the curb it must go!
A sledgehammer, crow-bar and reciprocating saw,
That pile of trash was once a wall!

Ma and Da-ee rock out when demolishing
But need the pro's to do all the polishing.
They call in the plumber, carpenter, electrician too
Who will help make the space sparkling and new.

But alas the Leverett's need patience you see
As this is just the beginning of the "Bitchin' Kitchen Journey"

Friday, December 16, 2011

Is it just me, or ....

Is it just me, or do bad words sound less "bad" when you spell them out?

Is it just me, or do men who wear loafers without socks automatically become creepy?

Is it just me, or does Pinterest make you feel in adequate in the "amazing-super-creative-mommy" department?

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Perspectives of a three year old ...

I'm convinced three years old is the perfect age in life. 

At three, you form your own thoughts and opinions.
At three, you can still be held like a baby.
At three, every word you say is the truth.
At three, every thought in your head is pure.
At three ... the world is simple.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you ...

Perspectives of a Three Year Old

Topic: Potty Training.
One evening last month, my wish came true while Nathan and I were playing monsters ...
Nathan: Ma ... I don wanna wear baby diapuhs anymo.
Me: Do you want to wear big boy underwear instead?
Nathan: Yup.  An I can go tee-tee on da da-ey pottee?
Me: Yes sir!  You can go tee-tee on the big-daddy potty!!
Never in my life did I ever think hearing those words would cause my heart to fill with such pride! 

My morning conversation with Nathan ... every.single.morning.
Me: Nathan, do you want to wear big boy underwear today?
Nathan: Yep.
Me: Then you need to tee-tee on the potty.
Nathan: Hode on.  I tee-tee in my baby diapuh fust.
**WARNING**WARNING** Poop conversation ahead!!**WARNING**WARNING**
I was keeping Nathan company in the bathroom during his evening ... ummm ... "bottom business".
Nathan:  (Staring between his legs) Here it comes ...  Here it comes ... (several minutes go by as he does his ... ya know ... stuff) Ma!  Tha's a big poop!
Me: Yep.  It sure is a big poop!
Nathan:  Ma, you nee to tak a pissure wih yo phon.
Me: No, honey.  I do not need to take a picture of your poop. (I think Nathan sees me taking way too many pictures with my phone!)

Topic: Jesus
It amazes me the sweet spirit this little boy possesses.  Having a toddler realigns my view in life and puts things into a simple, basic perspective.

During a recent morning drive to the baby-sitter ...
Nathan: Luk Ma!  A san casul!
Me: Huh?!  A what?!
Nathan: O'er theeer!  (pointing to a white church with tall steeple) A san casul!
Me: Oh!  A sand castle!  Yes baby, that church does look like a sand castle.  (Pause)  Turkey, do you know who lives in the sand castles?
Nathan: Nuh-uh.
Me: Jesus.  Jesus lives in the sand castles!
Nathan: Jesus?
Me: Yes baby, Jesus.
Nathan: Baby Jesus?!
Me: Yes, Jesus and Baby Jesus are the same person.
Nathan: Is deer a Da-ey Jesus?
Me: Yes, sweetie, there is a Daddy Jesus!
Nathan: Is deer a Mommee Jesus?
Me:  Uhhh ... Jesus takes care of us like Mommy takes care of you ... so ... yes ... Jesus is a mommy too.
Then, after five minutes of silence ...
Nathan: I wanna live in san casuls with Mommy and Da-ey Jesus!
Me: We can visit the sand castles, but it's not time for us to live there yet ...

The Christmas holiday is another area discussed quite often in the house ...
Me: Nathan, do you know why we get presents on Christmas?
Nathan: Pwesents?!
Me: Yes, sugar!  We give and receive presents on Christmas to celebrate Jesus' birthday!
Nathan: Jesus buffday?  Do Jesus get a cake?
Me: Yes, we will have a special birthday cake for Jesus. (A Christmas tradition in my family is to have a birthday cake for Jesus)
Nathan:  (wanders out of the room ... singing) Happah buffday deah Jesus!  Happah buffday do do!

Topic: Family Love
My husband's birthday was last week.  Shaun is not a fan of gifts so I usually just give him a card.  This year, however, independent Nathan wanted to give his daddy a gift.
Me: Turkey, Daddy's birthday is next week.  What do you want to get him?
Nathan: A cookie.
Me: Why a cookie?
Nathan: No, Ma!  A Cookie Mahster!
Me: Oh!  Ok ... why do you want to give Daddy a Cookie Monster?
Nathan: Da-ey's baby cookie is dirty.
Me: Daddy's Baby Cookie?!  What do you mean?
Nathan: Da-ey's Baby Cookie!  At Gamah's n Granpa's!
Me: Daddy's Cookie Monster at Grandma and Grandpa's?!
Nathan: Yep.  Da-ey nees a new Cookie!
Me: (Pause) ... OH!  You want to get Daddy a new Cookie Monster to replace the old Cookie Monster from when he was a baby at Grandma and Grandpa's?
Nathan gives me a look as if to say: "Duh.  Isn't that what I just said?!"

I'm in the kitchen making dinner and both kids are in the living room.  Katie is wobbily sitting on her blanket playing with her toys and Nathan's climbing in his toybox when Katie topples over.
Nathan: (screaming)  MA!!  Bakatie felled ober!
Me: (playing up my concern) Oh, no!  Is Katie ok?
Nathan: Uh dunno.  (The little boy redirects his voice to the little one laying on her blanket)  Bakatie ... you ok?  Do you nee Nasan do kiss you boo-boo?
The subsequent silence is my cue to peek in on them.  I see my sweet boy gently patting and rubbing the back of his little sister.  He leans down and plants a sloppy kiss on the top of her head and nuzzles her peach fuzz.  I quickly escape back out of the room undetected as I did not want to ruin the moment.
Me: (yelling from back in the kitchen)  Turkey ... is Katie ok?
Nathan: Yeh Ma!  See's find!

I look at the adoration he has in his eyes for his little sissy and pray that it never, ever goes away!  I am blessed with 2 older brothers and grew up feeling like the safest person on the face of the earth.  It is a dream of mine for sweet Katie to feel the security of her daddy and bubba's constant protection ... even when she is grown and has a family of her own.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Verbal diarrhea ...

I'm suffering from a case of writer's block and the advice given to me is to start typing and it will all come to me.  So, my dear friends, I give to you, my attempt at curing my writer's block. 

Please enjoy my verbal diarrhea.

Verbal diarrhea ... that sounds so gross but is such a good description of ... well ... diarrhea of the mouth.  I try to prevent "the oral runs" as much as possible by thinking before I speak and choosing my words wisely, but it sometimes happens.  You all know what I'm talking about ... words come flowing out of your mouth faster than your brain can tell your lips to close and you say something stupid, mean or idiotic.  Then there is the pause afterwards where the audience (and you) digests "the mouth squirts".  You think to yourself "OMG ... did I really just say 'that haircut makes your butt look big'?"  And the awkward silence around you confirms your fear.  Yes.  Yes, Becky ... you really did just say that.  Once the realization sets in that the words in your head really did flow through your mouth, you go into total defense mode.  In this mode, there is usually quite a bit of nervous laughter and stammering.  "Errr ... Ummm ... I mean ... that hair cut totally accentuates your big ... uhhh ... eyes!  That's it!  Your eyes really ... uhhh ... pop now!"  Then I spend the rest of the day kicking myself ...

Ahhh ... verbal diarrhea. 

Too bad there isn't any "Verbal Pepto Bismol"

And because I just can't stop my fingers from typing ...

I've noticed lately that people are really trending towards wearing all black or black/gray or black/white.  It's really quite depressing.  When did it become en vogue to dress like you're going to a funeral?  I say this as I'm wearing a dark gray dress, black leggings and black boots.  What is wrong with a little color?!  My favorite color is orange!  It's spicy, and sunny, and fun!  I wish my complexion were a little darker so I could look good in the color orange.  I like to eat oranges and am always so upset when the orange is dry and pulpy.  It's such a bummer after I've spent 5 minutes peeling the orange to realize it's no good!  The anticipation ends in my head hanging low and my shoulders slumped in defeat and a crumbled, dry orange sitting in my lap. 

(Sitting in an imaginary chair)

Speaking of En Vogue ... they are my all time, most favorite girl group ever!  The Funky Divas CD still rocks!  I have every single song memorized and it will forever and always remind me of seventh grade!

I'm not sure how many people read this blog, but I LOVE feedback so if anyone has a suggestion on a topic to please let me know. 

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

A birthday and a half ...

This is a big day in the Leverett household!

Thirty-four years ago today, a little baby boy was welcomed into this world.  This little boy turned a family of 3 into a family of 4.  His smile was infectious, his spirit was adventurous and he didn't know the meaning of a stranger. 

The boy grew into a teenager ...
Who grew into a young adult ...
And then into a man. 

This man changed my world ...

Six months ago today, a little baby girl was welcomed into this world.  This little girl turned a family of 3 into a family of 4.  Her smile is infectious, her spirit is angelic and she doesn't know the meaning of a stranger.

This girl will grow into a teenager ...
Who will grow into a young adult ...
And then into a woman.

This girl changed my world ...

Happy birthday to my precious Shaun and happy half birthday to my sweet Katie!!

Daddy and Daughter

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I'm a self-portrait-holic

My name is Becky.

I'm addicted to self portraits.

It all started when I was an insecure teenager.  
I wanted to be a model!  But my self consciousness prevented me from letting someone else take my picture.  

I could sneak into my room and snap pictures to my heart's content with no one ever knowing.

I practiced poses.
My "smizing" was spectacular!
My winky face was fabulous!

The drive to create masterful self portraits grew to an obsession when I purchased my first digital camera.

The options were endless!  I had instant results!  No more waiting for the one hour photo developing!

If I wasn't happy with the result, I could hit 'delete'.

The passion intensified in strength as the years passed and no one noticed the warning signs.

If I was within a 3 feet of someone taking pictures, I would cock my head just right, put on my "carmera smile" and pose. 
If I heard a camera shutter, I would push people out of the way to get in the shot.
Seeing a camera flash out of the corner of my eye would stop me dead in my tracks.

Having a precious family only worsened the addiction.  

How did I know the combination of their sweet faces and my delusional ideas of super-model-ness would create such a perfect petri dish for harvesting this addiction?!

Through the help and support of my dear friends and family, though, I am slowly gaining control of the Self-Portrait-ism.

In fact, there are currently 138 pictures on my Super-Duper-Dandy-Smarter-Than-My-Own-Good Smart Phone and only 121 are personal expressions of myself taken by myself.

The remaining 17 pictures look something like this.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Caffiene and Xanax

The Good Lord blessed me with my amazing babies!  I really could not ask for more (which is a good thing because I'm done producing offspring)!

As you know, Nathan is my burst of energy!  His spirit is invigorating and his laugh is infectious!  No one can resist his invitation to wrestle!

"C'mond Ma!  Les pway MUSCLES!  Grrrrrr" 
(Translation: Come on Mama!  Let's play muscles!*)

If Nathan was caffeine, then sweet Katie would be Xanax.

The girl is pure mellow peace!  If you could see into her mind, it would be unicorns, rainbows, bubbles and glitter ... all in slow motion!  She is the ultimate blood pressure reducer and will turn the coldest heart to goo with her snuggles.**

The 2 kids are complete opposite sides of the spectrum and inherited the most extreme traits from me and Shaun.

Below is a chart comparing Mr. Yin and Miss Yang.

*Muscles: Wrestling
**This was written on one of Katie's good days.  The above description could easily compare Katie to Beelzebub’s offspring if written on a "bad" day.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Rules to live by ...


Call it what you want, but all people create some sort of framework that keeps their life headed in the right direction.  A recent status update on a social networking site instigated me to put pen to paper and list out the rules I live by.

Many of these rules are “duh!” but it’s always good to be reminded.  I hope you enjoy these and possibly take a few to add to your rule book.

  1. Stand true to your convictions.
  2. Speak with confidence.
  3. Never make excuses.
  4. Be nice.
  5. Call your parents.
  6. Say I love you to your siblings.
  7. Remember your manners: Say “Please” and “Thank You”.
  8. Don’t ever forget that you have an imagination.
  9. Limit saying “I don’t care” only to when you really don’t care.
  10. Try to always care.
  11. Stand outside on a cold morning by yourself.
  12. Hold the door open for someone.
  13. Never make yourself too busy to help someone in need.
  14. Remember there is always someone who is worse off than you.
  15. Don’t be selfish.
  16. Be an expert at one thing instead of mediocre at many things.
  17. If you can walk, take the stairs.
  18. Compliment a stranger.
  19. You can never say “I Love You” too much.
  20. Pray … even if you’re not sure you believe in God.
  21. Be faithful to yourself.
  22. Don’t be embarrassed to cry.
  23. Don’t always be negative when gossiping.
  24. Be a role model.
  25. Never be too proud to ask for help.
  26. Make plans and don’t cancel them … even if you don’t want to go.
  27. Have a best friend.
  28. Know when to let go.
  29. Push your limits.
  30. Be a good “secret-keeper”.
  31. Remember that no one is perfect.
  32. Keep your promises.
  33. Share.
  34. If you borrow something, always return it in the same (or better) condition.
  35. Be honest.
  36. Speak clearly.
  37. Find what makes you happy.
  38. Keep peace in your heart.
  39. Live without regret.
  40. Say “I forgive you” if someone says they are sorry.
  41. Know when to say you’re sorry.
  42. Hope.
  43. Have standards.
  44. Have a passion.
  45. Be patient.
  46. Know there is always room for improvement.
  47. Know when to say “no”.
  48. Be humble, but don't be afraid to brag.
  49. A smile is contagious and a laugh is infectious.
  50. Breathe.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Monkey's pospetics leg ...

Well, it happened, Nathan screeched from the backseat yesterday on the way to the pumpkin patch "Oh no!  It bwoked!  Monkey's leg! It bwoked oft!"

Monkey's leg is Nathan's "worry stone" and he rubs it when he's tired, scared or worried.  The poor leg was thread bare with no stuffing.  Nathan even walks around the house dragging Monkey behind him with that skinney leg stuck between his toes.

Poor Monkey!  Poor, poor, incredibly loved Monkey!!

(Here are some previous posts about Monkey:  My 3 Favorite Things and Monkey #2)

Nathan: Ma!  Wut do Nasan do to Monkey's leg?  You need ta fixt it Ma!  (Mama!  What did Nathan do to Monkey's leg?  Will you fix it please?)
Me:  It's okay bubba.  I bet we can fix Monkey's leg.  Let me see it.
Nathan: Here ju go! (Handed me the sweet lovey)  (Here you go!)
Me: (slowly examing the wounded appendage and realizing the leg is beyond repair) Oh Turkey!  His leg really IS broken!  We will take him to the Monkey hospital tonight and see if we can fix it.  If we can't fix THIS leg, do you mind if he gets a new Monkey leg?
Nathan: A new leg? 
Me: Yep baby!  A super special, brand new Monkey leg!
Nathan: Luuk at da sky!  Where da moond go?  (Look at the sky!  Where did the moon go?)
Me: (Thank God for a short 3 year old attention span!)  Here's Monkey back baby!  We'll fix him tonight.

I took this as an opportunity to teach Nathan about a very important aspect of life that all people need to know about ...


I am not kidding and I am not joking!

When we got home, I wisked Monkey (on a special Monkey gurney, of course) to the special Monkey Hospital (also known as my sewing machine). 

I had to think of the best type of fabric to fashion a prosthetic Monkey leg and felt an old gym sock would be the softest, rubbiest alternative.  Once a sock was located, I set to work on the operating table (sewing table) with a very concerned Nathan breathing over my shoulder.

Nathan: Ma!  Is Monkey k?
Me: Yes, Monkey will be just fine!  Now Turkey, Mama is going to cut off Monkey's old leg.  Is that okay?
Nathan: (looking VERY concerned): Yes Ma.
Me: Do you know what it's called when someone's leg goes bye-bye?
Nathan: No ... whassit caad?
Me: Amputation.  Can you say that?!  AM-PU-TA-SHUN?
Nathan: Amu-nason?
Me: Yes.  That's it.  amu-nason. (I pause and look straight in the little boy's eyes.)  You ready?  I'm going to cut his leg off now.  I'm going ot amputate Monkey's leg because it's broken and he's getting a new leg.
Nathan: Yes.  Um ready.  Monkey ... you ready?  (he pauses as Monkey replies to him)  Ma, Monkey's ready too!

I proceed to cut Monkey's leg off and am filled with emotion for some reason.  I clean up the wound and place the broken leg in Nathan's hand.  I then proceed to create a new, sock leg for Monkey as the patient's care-giver watches with anticipation. 

Me: Turkey ... are you excited for Monkey to have his new leg?
Nathan: Yep!
Me:  When someone gets a new leg, it's called a prosthetic.  Can you say that?!  PROS-THET-IC?
Nathan: Pospetic?
Me: That's right.  Pospetic.  Monkey is getting a brand new, prosthetic leg!
Nathan: Tanks Ma!
Me: You're welcome sugar!

A few more minutes under the lights of the operating table and Monkey's new leg is securely attached with a double lock stitch.  I cut the stray threads and hand the new and improved Monkey over to my boy.  His eyes were so happy!  He instantly tested out the new leg by twisting it between his pointer and middle finger and looks at me with pleasure.

Nathan: Tanks Ma!  (Then he holds Monkey up to me and says in a higher pitched voice) Tanks Bucky!  (Apparently I'm on a first name basis with Monkey!)
Me: You're welcome Turkey!  And you're welcome Monkey!

Nathan then tears off through the house screaming to Shaun: Da-ey!  Da-ey!  Monkey has a pospetics leg!


After (Is it me, or does Monkey look happier?!)
He's so proud of the new leg!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Word of the day: Asinine

The word of the day is ...




1.  extremely or utterly foolish
2.  of, relating to, or resembling an ass 

Used in a sentence:
It is asinine that Jenny was promoted to the Turkey Leg Manager when she doesn't know the first thing about Turkeys or Legs.

I love this word for several reasons:
a. It’s fun to say (you sound like you’re cussing)
b. It’s a smart sounding word!  
c. It sounds like you're saying "ass-in-nine"   

Please leave a comment letting me know how you increased your vocabulary by using the word “asinine” today!

… just as long as it’s not asinine!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

My addiction is now an app ...

I can now blog via an app on my super duper, handy dandy, smarter-than-am-eighth-grader phone!!!

This could be dangerous!!!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Word of the Day: Doppelganger

I like words!  All types of words … big words … little words … words that sound funny … words that make me look smart …


I am going to post random “Words of the Day” and hope to infect my word love on to you!

The word of the day is ...


[dop-uh l-gang-er; Ger. daw-puh l-geng-er]

Main Entry:

Part of Speech:

a ghostly counterpart of a person; a ghostly double of a living person

German doppel 'double' + ganger 'goer'

also doppelgaenger

Part of Speech:

alter ego

German doppel 'double' + ganger 'goer'

The above definition explains how a doppelganger is an alter-ego or a supernatural being.  It can also be used when referencing someone’s twin.  As you know, every person has a “twin” somewhere in the world … someone who strikes an uncanny resemblance even though there is no DNA linking the two together.  People can often have a celebrity doppelganger too!
 Apparently I have 2 celebrity doppelgangers … Jaime Pressley and Melissa Joan Hart.

This word is fun to say and even funner to use in a sentence.  Impress your friends, families and co-workers and use the featured word above in your everyday vocabulary!

Monday, September 19, 2011

There's a fugitive on the loose!

We have a pyromaniac schizophrenic kleptomaniac living in the Leverett house. 

Below is the police report filed against the little stinky fingered fugitive ...

Case Number: L-29975
Incident Date: 18 August, 2011
Incident Time: 1:30 PM
Incident Location: The Leverett House/The Boy's Toybox
Incident Victim: Ma
Reporting Party: Ma

Victim took advantage of her children being at their grandparent’s house for the night and decided to clean out her son’s toy box.  While cleaning out the toy box, the victim (“Ma”) located several items that mysteriously vanished over the past several months.  The recovered contents in question are:
1.       Whisk
2.       Pencil
3.       Coasters
4.       Duct Tape
5.       Back Massager
6.       Calculator

Image of recovered items

Crime scene
Based on a thorough review of the location and condition of the recovered items, a primary suspect was swiftly identified.  

The suspect in question goes by the following aliases:
-The Boy
-The Turkey Leg
-Big Bubba
-The Carpet Stainer
-The P.I.T.A.

Below is an archived image of the suspect in question.

Based on the vivid description by Ma, the suspect doesn’t likes to wear only a dinosaur back pack.

Please approach with caution as the suspect is considered moody and stinky!  Please do not approach without arming yourself appropriately with dinosaurs, chocolate milk, baby wipes, a binkie and a diaper.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Becky’s top 10 beauty tips ...

Becky's Top 10 13 Beauty Tips

1.  Never, EVER look at yourself in the super magnified mirrors!  They show every flaw on your face!

2.  And RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN if the magnified mirror is lit as it will shine a spotlight on every single clogged pore and stray mole hair!


3.  Mascara! Mascara! Mascara!  The blacker the better!  On work days, I like to apply at least 3 coats to my eyes!  It is my go-to makeup when I look like death!


4.  When in doubt, wear black.

5.  Baby powder is awesome to soak up “it’s the weekend so I didn’t wash my hair” oil and grease.

6.  It is only necessary to shave below the knee… unless you’re going swimming.  In that case, shave the bikini area too!  But always, always have clean shaven arm-pits!

7.  Elastic hair bands are fashionably acceptable bracelets.

8.  Always wear clean undies!

9.  Every woman (or man?!) needs a pair of super sexy high heels!  Nothing makes me feel more “non-mom” than my red, patent leather stilettos!

10.  Johnson’s baby wash makes a great body wash if you have sensitive skin.

11.  The purple lotion (sleepy baby lotion) is my favorite scent and I use it every day.

12.  Strut around like a super-model when no one is looking (do it in your sexy heels to the beat of a Justin Timberlake song for an added boost of self-confidence!)

13.  A good laugh is an awesome facial workout and is necessary to keep your face skin tight and toned!